The possibility of having postpartum depression was one of the many, many things I worried about during my pregnancy. I have a history of anxiety and - while not technically depression, I have been known to be fretful and melancholy.
In hindsight, I wish I'd mentioned the possibility to my doctor even sooner. I waited about 5 weeks, and by then I was crying all the time, impatient and snappish with my husband and frustrated with my daughter. I feel like I should have known something was off when I lost my cool over a completely innocuous comment made by my husband the day we came home from the hospital. My mother, stepfather, brother and nephew were all here to see the baby, and we arrived home late the night after the Raspberry was born. All my husband said was, "Where's her hat?" and I felt the (completely erroneous) weight of unspoken accusation behind it.
A really helpful resource for new moms who might think they have PPD is a website called Postpartum Progress. They have this list of symptoms of PPD and postpartum anxiety written so anyone can understand it, not just medical professionals.
The list really resonated with me and still does to some extent. At my pre-medicated worst, I wasn't eating, I was crying all the time, and I couldn't sleep even when the baby was asleep because I was on edge constantly, convinced she was going to wake up at any moment.
If you are having any of the symptoms on the list, please contact your doctor. Even if you're not sure, even if you feel guilty (which you shouldn't) please let your doctor know how you're feeling. Even though I'm not out of the woods just yet, things are immeasurably better now that I am taking some medicine to balance things out.
And as always, if you are feeling these things and just need someone to talk to, you can email me at ppdtbh@gmail.com. I'm here to listen.
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