Lately I've been slightly obsessed with cutting up big old T-shirts into crop tops and sloppy tanks to wear while working out. This is a Big Deal because generally, I don't work out. Not for a long time. I have tried - God, four times! - to complete the Couch to 5K, failing for reasons from injury to dog attack-related fear. My mental health has been in a state of flux the past two years, as I've fought to overcome postpartum depression and what I surmise is a touch of the good ol' regular depression, and concerning my health and body I've been in a weird liminal state of acceptance and defiance. Acceptance in the sense that I had accepted this is what my body is at this point, lumps and bumps and all, and defiance in that I remained almost stubbornly lazy despite the fact that I know I'm at risk, genetically and historically, for type-2 diabetes.
If you're a workout stalwart who makes it to the gym/hits the bricks every day without fail, well, you will probably think I'm counting my chickens before they're hatched. However, I feel like celebrating because for the first time in years, I have worked out for a week straight. AND I've been mostly soda-free since January 7.
I started out with a low impact belly dance video I used to rent (in VHS form) from the library years ago. I took belly dance in college, one of my favorite one-credit courses, and later helped as a student teacher, so picking it back up has been the proverbial bicycle. Granted, my arms are burning by the time the snake arms portion of the workout is over, and there's a bit more jiggle in my wiggle, but the thing that has kept me going is how much fun it is. Why did I forget how much I love to dance? I was an Irish step dancer from the age of 11 until around 17, and I picked it back up in college, both as a teachers assistant and with an extracurricular troupe.
I keep coming back to that question. How could I forget the joy dancing brings me? I know intellectually that depression can cause you to lose interest in things you used to enjoy (sorry if I sound like a pamphlet) but it's startling to see the effects in my actual life.
What's even more interesting to me is how I can feel myself working exercise, dance and yoga into my daily routine. I make a game out of doing squats between hanging up clothes. I practice hip slides and figure 8s while standing at the cook top. And I'm remembering how it can be enjoyable to feel the ache of muscles I've put to good use.
I have been having fun involving my daughter in my workouts (she loves my coin belt) and I am determined to keep being healthier and more active to be a good example for her. And aside from cutting up my old IU shirts to layer while I'm working out, I have been enjoying shopping for workout clothes and dance clothes. In short, I'm having fun and fortunate to have been inspired by friends who are making positive changes in their lives.
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