Giving thanks

A ton of friends and family are sharing the things they are thankful for this month, and I think I would like to do this as well. I am kind of uncomfortable with posting it on Facebook, because I feel like that's the modern equivalent of shouting it in the street. Posting it here is still sharing, of course, but it feels more intimate to me. I don't mind my family and friends who are doing this on Facebook, but I am guilty of curating my life a little on there and this is likely to be frank and personal. So here is where I shall post it. OK, I think I'm done rationalizing now.

 It's true that like most people, I have many, many things to be thankful for, and this is a nice meditation that will prevent me from taking things for granted.

 It's Nov. 2, so I will need to come up with two things for this post.

1: I am thankful that I am now healthy enough to recognize some of the things I did while pregnant and pp as unhealthy, or at least on the strange side. For some reason while I was pregnant, I found the brand name Nuk grating in the extreme, to the point where I felt compelled to mark out the name on some nipple balm with a sharpie. I'm not sure if that is actually a sign of ppd or anxiety, but I was cleaning out a closet and found the nipple balm. I was like, "Oh yeah, I remember that. Man that's kinda weird." 

On a more serious note, I thankfully have not had any instances of self harm or suicidal thoughts  (not ideation, just your garden variety 'I should just kill myself') since I got my dosage bumped up a smidge. I don't feel numb, I feel normal. Which feels awesome. 

2. I am thankful for my family. My husband who works so hard and who is so heart-meltingly good with our daughter. He has been so patient with me through this parenthood journey, from the days when I couldn't stop sobbing for no reason to the nights when I threw my hands up and had to leave the room. And my sweet, smart, beautiful, inquisitive daughter. Despite the ppd that robbed me of some happy moments, my baby and I have a wonderful bond. More than anything, my child has shown me the meaning of the word blessing. I understood it in an abstract way before, but now I really get it, I think; the feeling that something or someone has bestowed upon you a precious gift that is not to be taken lightly.